burnout

We're 10ish months into a global pandemic and I think it's safe to say there is a lot of burnout happening.

On the ride down to Richmond a few months ago, I listened to a great podcast with Emily and Amelia Nagoski, authors of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, and Brené Brown.

I re-listened to the podcast again today and holy crap, let me just say that I'm writing this blog post from a mind that has officially been blown with such amazing information that I cannot wait to share!

Sometimes you need to hear a message more than once for it to really click…

…and that's what happened when I re-listened to this podcast around burnout and the stress cycle.

To kick off the interview, Brené, Emily and Amelia discuss the 3 components of burnout, which are derived from Herbert Freudenberger, a psychologist with the impactful contribution of understanding and researching treatment of stress, chronic fatigue and substance abuse.

Here are the 3 Components of Burnout:

• Emotional exhaustion—fatigue that comes from carrying too much for too long...

  • covid anxiety

  • balancing wfh + school from home

  • compassion fatigue; like worrying about others getting sick that you know

  • people helping people (think: frontline workers)

  • fatigue from the news + current political, social, racial, environmental events

• Decreased sense of accomplishment—incomparable sense of futility, feeling like nothing you do makes any difference

  • never-ending to-do list

  • thinking we need to solve the world's/family's/relationship's problems on our own

• Depersonalization—depletion of empathy caring compassion

The podcast discusses that the most common component of burnout experienced is emotional exhaustion, and IDK about you—but I am feeling emotionally exhausted a lot these days.

Because emotional exhaustion is so common, Brené, Emily and Amelia dove much deeper into the topic.

They discuss what emotions are, deciphering between stressors and stress itself, and how to complete/move through the 'stress cycle' in order to release stress.

I found all three topics to be extremely valuable, and thus will recap the key takeaways I learned from the podcast (which is based on the book, Burnout).

Emotions

The word "emotion" is thrown around a lot, but it sometimes feels elusive to me. What actually IS an emotion, am I right?

In the episode, they discuss that emotions are classified by, well, a handful of things.

Emotions…

• Are cycles that happen in your body

• Are neurological events (from our nervous system)

• Are involuntary neurological responses

• Have a beginning, middle end. Emily and Amelia use the analogy that emotions are a tunnel that you have to go fully through, which I find fascinating.

Emotions don't always get a good reputation...

• "Don't be so emotional!"

• "Why am I so emotional over this?"

• "I wish XYZ emotion would go away"

But the reality is that so much of how humans live and act are based around emotions. Brené eloquently states that:

"People really want to believe (and myself included)...that we are cognitive, rational beings who, on occasion, feel—when the truth is, (and we know this now from pet imaging from the last decade), that we are emotional beings, who on occasion think."

- Brené Brown

So to quickly recap...

We aren't rational beings that sometimes feel emotion.

We are emotional beings that sometimes think rationally.

Light. Bulb. Moment. Right. There.

If we are such emotional beings, it only makes sense to become more familiar with how emotions work and learn how to embrace and move through them, or sometimes both.

Emily and Amelia Nagoski share that "emotions are tunnels—if you go all the way through them, you get to the light at the end. Exhaustion happens when we get stuck in an emotion"

Again, lightbulb moment for me.

Getting stuck in an emotion is all too real in my world, so it seems.

So if feeling drained, tired, lethargic, fearful, anxious, worried, and even sometimes feeling nothing are a result of getting stuck in an emotion, or not getting to that light at the end of the tunnel, what does this mean?

Maybe it means that we need some support to help us find our way through.

Or, it could mean that we are not allowing ourselves to fully process our emotions, instead rushing off to the next emotional layer to be stacked on top of the current one.

I know both apply to me—I often need support and guidance to move through tough emotions, and I very rarely allow myself to fully process my emotions before moving on to the next task/to-do.

There were truly so many nuggets of wisdom in this podcast.

Another great one is that we are taught if we fix a problem that caused the emotion, we solve the emotion, when in reality there is a disconnect between the solution to a problem, and the EMOTION itself...

What the heck are you saying, Sarah?

Great question—I was a little confused at first, too.

Let's give some examples to make that point a little more clear...

• Your boss is an asshole and talks down to you at work consistently. The solution to that problem may be to transfer to a new team, new job, or practice ways to self-soothe in the moment so your frustration is not overtaking your day. However, the emotional residue leftover from the interactions with your boss may still be; frustration, anger, disappointment, grief...

• You run away from a vicious animal chasing you, and are able to escape to safety in someone's home. PHEW, that was close. The solution to that problem was getting into a safe home, but the emotional residue leftover from running away to safety may be; fear, panic...

• You have a huge crush on someone, and are daydreaming about finally saying hi to that person. The solution to this "problem" is finally getting the guts to go over to say hi to this person quickly next time you walk by them. While your "problem" has been solved, the emotional residue may be; giddy-ness, excitement, anxiety, etc...

Pretty soon you'll understand why this is important to decipher between.

As I learned, the solution to the problem is not enough to reduce the stress or emotion within you, you must move through the emotion, and complete the stress cycle.

For now, let's clarify what the difference is between a stressor, and stress.

Stress vs. Stressor, and Completing the Stress Cycle

I'm a definitions kinda girl, so wanted to start off the bat with clarifying what the difference is between stressor, stress, and stress cycle as shared in the podcast episode:

• Stressors: these are what activate the stress response (examples could include but are not limited to: work, kids, money, pandemic, body image, trauma)

• Stress: is what happens in the body as a result of stressors, and is designed to help us survive and keep us safe

• Completing the Stress Cycle: means taking action to signal to your body that you are safe, "dealing with the stress" if you will

Emily and Amelia say that "the stress itself will kill you faster than the stressor will, unless you do something to complete the stress response cycle..."

Meaning, the emotional residue caused by stress that is leftover in our bodies—yes, physically still in our bodies, can cause much more damage than the actual stressor ever will.

Woof.

This concept is something that is very familiar to me, as I can sometimes FEEL the stress and tension clammed up in my upper shoulders and chest.

I know there is residual stress in there somewhere, I was just never sure why.

Here is the why…

There are three reasons one may get stuck in a stress cycle:

1. Chronic Stress; meaning that you are accumulating more stress than you are releasing

2. Societal Appropriateness; saying "okay, sure, thanks!" to your asshole boss, when you really want to say "f this"

3. Safety; when it's safer to leave a situation vs. staying and processing the stress in real-time (the example used in the podcast is if a woman is getting cat-called on the street, it may be safer to remove herself from the situation vs. talk back to the person)

And there are seven (!!! thank goodness !!!) efficient ways to complete the stress cycle:

1. Physical activity—literally any movement of the body; dancing, standing up and tensing every muscle, then releasing, shaking it out, walking, running

2. Breathing—down-regulates your nervous system. Try slow breaths in, slow long breaths out. This will down-regulate the central nervous system (simple method, but so impactful, breathing is proven to work well even when we shrug it off as “too simple”)

3. Positive social interaction—we humans have a natural inclination to connect with people to get our body feeling safe and at home. While this is harder to do during Covid, the principle is simple. This can be as simple as complimenting your barista's earrings—it signals to our body, the world is a safe place to be in right now

4. Laughter—genuine, real, and maybe even slightly embarrassing belly jiggle laughs take you through stress cycle, even reminiscing about a time you laughed that hard

5. Affection—warm hug, safe and trusting context (20-second hug), "hugging until relaxed" can change hormones, improve mood, lower heart rate (oxytocin). This is less about the time spent hugging, and more about the vulnerability and intimacy of the moment. Again, harder with Covid, but if you live with another person—try it out

6. A big ol’ cry—this is a perfect example of something that doesn't typically solve a problem/stressor, but can release the stress cycle itself (allow it to complete, and not get trapped in your body); whatever is overwhelming—set that information aside, turn towards the experience of crying and pay attention to the sensation of crying without thinking about what caused the crying (as this feeds into more crying)

7. Creative expression—releasing your emotions through creating it and making something safe outside of yourself, partaking in the act of creation, or taking something difficult and putting it outside of yourself—"take your broken heart and make it into art,” was said by Carrie Fisher

So…which tool will you begin implementing more regularly to help finish stress cycles in your own life?

Personally, I want to try ALL of them at different times—a little experiment if you will to see what works best.

I am truly so grateful for all of seven of these brilliant ideas and tools shared by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, with the help of Brené in her amazing podcast.

I'm going to be immediately implementing these techniques, and really working on allowing myself to process stress and emotion throughout 2021, vs. rushing off to do the next thing in my day. It's really really really important to me to make more room for the stress cycles in my life to complete.

My intentions after re-listening to this content on burnout are...

• More emotional processing, less stuck-ness.

• More rest and recharging, less jumping to the next task.

• More self-compassion, less striving for perfection.

How about you?

I'll leave you with these inspiring words from Emily and Amelia Nagoski, from their book Burnout:

"The good news is that stress is not the problem. The problem is that the strategies that deal with stressors have almost no relationship to the strategies that deal with the physiological reactions our bodies have to those stressors. To be “well” is not to live in a state of perpetual safety and calm, but to move fluidly from a state of adversity, risk, adventure, or excitement, back to safety and calm, and out again. Stress is not bad for you; being stuck is bad for you."

- Emily and Amelia Nagoski