Expectations are kinda a lose/lose if you ask me.
If something goes just as you expect it to, you’re often left feeling satisfied at best. Most times, if something goes just as expected, I feel underwhelmed, like something was “business as usual.”
On the flip side, if something goes worse than you expect it to, you’re often left feeling disappointed, frustrated, or sad.
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Before I met Nate, I had a ton of expectations of what a relationship should be like.
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Relationships should be effortless and carefree
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You should be having hot, spicy sex—frequently
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I should be an easygoing, laid-back girlfriend who doesn’t get overly emotional
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I should be 100% certain, at all times, that my partner is the one for me
You get the gist.
In addition to having expectations for a relationship, I have put many expectations on myself over the years.
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I should be skinny, fit, and have abs
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My career should be my main passion in life, fulfill me, and lead me to be wealthy
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I should always jump out of bed excited to tackle the day
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Things in my life should be perfect—and when they are, then I’ll be happy
All of these expectations are impossible to live up to. Not to mention, anxiety-inducing.
So—what’s the alternative?
Tony Robbins says:
“Trade your expectations for appreciation and your whole world changes in an instant.”
I absolutely love this sentiment and could not agree more.
When you move from expectation to appreciation:
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You focus on the good in a situation, not what’s wrong or what’s missing
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You shift to present, ‘here-and-now’ thinking, not looking ahead to the future and projecting your hopes or fears
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You show gratitude for what is, not hopes for what could be
All of these sound much better than being underwhelmed or disappointed to me.
Do you agree?
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Having expectations is a natural part of the human existence, and I’m not here to tell you it will be easy to eliminate them from your life.
It will take work to un-learn the habit of expecting, and to re-program the habit of appreciating.
It will take awareness and course-correcting.
But I’m up for that challenge.
Are you?
with love,
Sarah
