Are you feeling fulfilled in your relationship? Answer honestly.
If your answer is yes—heck yes. So excited for you.
If your answer is no—I have a follow up question for you.
Are you feeling fulfilled in your life outside of your relationship? Answer honestly.
Now, I'm not in your mind right now, so I can't be sure...
But I'm willing to guess that if you answered "no" to the first question, you also answered "no" to the second one, too.
There's this myth that our partners are supposed to fulfill us.
If they're not fulfilling us, they must be the wrong partner—right?
Not necessarily.
The below quote from Charlie and Linda Bloom in their book 101 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married perfectly illustrates this point:
“While marriage [relationships] can be delightful, healing, challenging, and stimulating, it is sheer fantasy to believe this relationship alone can fulfill us. We also need friends, satisfying work, healthy solitude, play, and other life experiences to fulfill the needs of our soul”
So, I have to ask.
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Have you been having deep, meaningful conversations with friends lately?
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Are you happy with your current job in the day-to day? (this one has a HUGE impact on my relationship—not sure about you)
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Have you been getting alone time outside of your relationship lately? Do you even know what the heck you'd do with yourself if you had 8 hours alone without your partner around?
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Are you taking time to participate in fun activities that don't have a goal or result tied to them? (AKA—play)
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What life experiences are filling up your soul outside of your relationship?
If you don't have solid answers to these questions—that's okay—AND, I want you to start writing down or brainstorming ideas of how you can make changes accordingly.
Because when things outside of your relationship aren't fulfilling you, it's easy to look at your partner and think "they're not doing enough to make me happy."
But here's the thing: it's not our partner's responsibility to make us happy—it's ours.
Yes, of course, they should contribute to our happiness, but it's not their job.
So it's important to ask yourself: what lights me up outside of my relationship? Is it my career, time with my family and friends, growth and learning, time in nature, a hobby, a community?
And if you're feeling unsatisfied in your life, start with those things first, before jumping to think your partner's the problem.*
*assumes you're in a safe relationship
