keeping things fresh

In December, Nate and I will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary.

While in the grand scheme of long term relationships, that isn't crazy long, for me it's the longest relationship I've been in (by 3 years) and it's definitely past the stage of feeling new.

We're very comfortable with one another now.

In the thick of my relationship anxiety days, that used to give me pause and rustled up fears about us "just being friends."

Now, it's now one of my favorite things about the relationship.

We don't have to be speaking all the time when we're in the same room.

We don't have to text all day long to check in and see how each other are doing.

We don't have to cuddle every single morning and night to feel the love we share.

We don't have deep meaningful conversations every day, and that's okay.

We don't have an elaborate 'after work greeting' when he comes home from the office.

And all of that is perfectly fine with me.

I used to think that getting too comfortable in a relationship meant that people were "falling out of love" or turning into "best friends not lovers"—but I'm a big believer that friendship in a relationship outweighs passion.

Yes, both factors are important to many people, (though not all), but passion can come and go, and if you don't have basic friendship and respect for your partner that is present during the down periods where passion isn't as high, how long will you want to be with them and be around them?

Anyways, back to the whole us getting comfortable thing.

After doing 3.5 years of long distance, then moving in together during the pandemic for 9-10 months (a stressful time for everyone), then moving away from home and living together in a new country for just over 8 months now, Nate and I are back home in Virginia for a few weeks to spend time with friends and family.

We just spent 8 months together seeing each other every single day during that time period except for a 3-day weekend I took to visit Natalie (@anxiouslovecoach) in Estonia.

Before then, we had never been together for that long of a time period.

We used to do long distance and then when we first moved in together during the pandemic, I would still take a couple weeks at a time to be back home and visit friends and family and get some space and time to myself.

And despite being in a new country and meeting new people, we definitely found ourselves getting into a routine and being together alllll the time.

Sundays are grocery shopping and watching TV shows on the couch together.

Mondays—Fridays are working, going to the gym, and cooking meals for each other.

Saturdays are either spending time with friends, or Nate working (sometimes he has to work weekends).

Each day, we wake up every morning next to one another and go to bed every night together.

We eat most of our meals together.

We talk about work, life, and missing our friends and family often.

All of this to say, we have been in a routine and getting a ton of time together.

This has been incredible in many ways; it's brought us closer together, we've become more connected emotionally, we have an even deeper sense of being able to rely on one another, we've gotten to know more about each other, and we've conquered living abroad together.

AND, with all of that being true, it was still the first time in my life I had spent so much uninterrupted time with another person.

No matter how much you love another person, spending almost every waking minute together for 8 months at a time has its own set of irritations and frustrations.

I was looking forward to the time back at home with friends and family and some alone time to reconnect back to myself.

When we flew back home last week, one of the first things we did together was go to a 3-day concert and spend time with some of our closest friends.

After 2 years of not going to see live music, we were thrilled.

Throughout the weekend, by spending time with other people, and engaging in one of our favorite activities (seeing live music) Nate and I were able to reconnect in a way that we had not in a long time.

We were able to bring a more lighthearted, playful version of ourselves into our relationship.

We were flirty and complimenting one another.

We spent time with other people for a few hours at a time, and then came back together with full cups and excitement.

We laughed, sang, and danced.

We ate our favorite meals that we had missed and cherished every bite.

And after 8 months of being in a routine in Sweden, it truly felt so good to switch things up.

This got me thinking about how in my experience, it's important to keep things fresh in long term relationships.

Without doing that, we often end up taking our day-to-day life with our partners for granted.

If we're doing the same thing day after day, we start to miss out of the beauty within the mundane moments or little ways we love our partner so much.

Like the way that Nate is always willing to hold my ID and credit card when we go places that I don't want to bring a purse to.

Or the way that Nate will always dance with me at a concert and doesn't care who watches.

Or how he'll let me use his hotspot for wifi because my phone didn't have service, even though it's inconvenient.

Or the way he will compliment me and tell me I look beautiful and he's so lucky to be with me.

I don't always appreciate these little things when I'm head-down in work all week, or doing our laundry, or cleaning up our apartment (he helps with these things too, don't worry!), but I definitely do when I take a step back and reflect on the fun we have together and the reasons I'm grateful for him.

Keeping things fresh in long term relationships gives you a chance to fall in love with your partner all over again.

• Planning that day or weekend trip you've been wanting to go on.

• Enjoying a staycation.

• Trying out a new local restaurant.

• Having a game night.

• Cooking a new meal together.

• Trying a new hobby and seeing how you both enjoy it.

• Going to a concert and dancing like no one is watching.

• Creating a stay-at-home spa night.

Whatever the activities are that you both enjoy or want to explore, trying to find a way to reconnect to your partner and switch things up is a win in my book.

And switching things up doesn't have to be something you do all. the. time.

Maybe it's once a quarter, maybe it's once a month—whatever cadence helps you both feel like the relationship is a priority and that you want to get outside of the box.

After this long weekend, I'm feeling extra thankful for Nate and the ways we have grown in our relationship.

Sometimes it takes seeing your partner and relationship from a fresh angle to admire them even more than you normally do.

And fondness and admiration are two of the top qualities in lasting relationships, according to the Gottman institute!

So, tell me: how can you do something outside of the norm with your partner this month? Let me know in the comments so I can celebrate with you!