Anyone else identify as impatient?
I have a feeling we're all growing more impatient by the day in this age of technology.
The other day, I actually heard somewhere that the human attention span is now less than a goldfish?!
Whether or not that is true—the point I want to make here is that the ability to have patience is truly a superpower.
Having patience is something I'm still very much working on.
Especially as someone who used to be deeply stuck in an anxious place over my relationship—it felt really scary and groundless to try and have patience during that time.
I wanted the feelings to be gone—right then and there.
I wanted to just know that my relationship was going to turn out okay, not "wait and see."
I wanted to fast-forward months or years ahead to find a calm, grounded, and centered version of myself that didn't have to face this every day.
Thankfully, time was on my side here.
The time went by, whether I liked it or not, and I was forced to have patience because unliked I had hoped—my anxiety didn't “just go away.”
During this time of forced patience, a really cool thing happened.
I came to find that the more patience I learned to have, the more peace I had, too.
And now as I write this today, I believe that the more patience anyone can have in a relationship, the more peace they'll find.
To further explain this point, I really resonated with the below quotes from Linda and Charlie Bloom in their book 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married that focus on patience in relationships.
Linda and Charlie say "Loving relationships can't be rushed. It requires time and effort to make a relationship a beautiful creation. And it takes continued work to keep that relationship in good condition. It may take years to develop a style of being together that works well for both people. The best relationships are the ones that are ever growing, being constantly, newly created."
Additionally, "...because we tend to underestimate the complexity of human relations, we expect deep fulfillment to come quickly and easily. This belief sets up the inevitability of great disappointment, along with the likelihood of feeling either resentment (toward our partner) or inadequacy (toward ourselves)."
When I read these, I had a major aha moment.
In the relationship anxiety world, I see many people (myself, my clients, and others on social media) wishing they could either; go back to the "honeymoon phase" in their relationship (if there was one at all), fast-forward to more carefree days, or wanting things to just 'fall into place' much easier in the relationship.
But what if the really really great part of a relationship actually comes after years and years of intentionally practicing being together, showing up for each other, and building a sturdy foundation?
What if instead of assuming things will go badly in the future, we actually can get excited about how all of the ground-work we're laying down will help us grow as a couple?
What if—maybe, just maybe—we chose to show up each day as if we were co-creating the best damn relationship in the world?
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One that can handle both life's ups and downs.
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One that grows slowly but steadily over time.
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One that creates a safe container for each partner to become their best selves.
My dad always says, "you can't predict the future,"—and he's exactly right.
We don't know for sure what the future will hold in any relationship.
But with a little patience, we just might find out that the days ahead are even better than we may think they can be.
