I remember the high I felt at the beginning of my relationship with Nate. I would wake up every morning eager to see if he’d texted me—giddy to respond and continue getting to know him.
Because we didn’t live in the same city, I was constantly thinking about the next time we would get to see each other in person. It felt like a middle school crush all over again.
But about two years in, everything changed.
Instead of waking up and feeling butterflies in my stomach, I was consistently waking up to a tight chest and anxious thoughts.
Things were getting much more serious between us, and instead of being confident and excited about our future, I was in a state of constant overthinking and fear:
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When will me and Nate move to the same city?
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Will going from long-distance to being together all the time be too much?
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All of my friends are starting to get engaged and married…is Nate “the one”? How can I be sure?
An old journal entry of mine during this time pinpoints my thoughts — it reads “I know how great we are and there are so many positives, and yet I’ve had this weird gut feeling I can’t shake recently….hope it does not last.”
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I didn’t know it back then, but now I can pinpoint that I was experiencing my first symptoms of relationship anxiety.
To paint a picture for those who may not experience it for themselves—relationship anxiety feels like being at war with your mind. One hour you are extremely sure you want to be with your partner, and the next you are having doubts. One hour you can so clearly see that you are with the best person in the world, and the next you are nitpicking something minor they are doing.
It is extremely overwhelming—especially if you don’t know the roots that are causing the anxiety to happen.
I thought something was wrong with me, and that this had to mean I was with the wrong partner.
I felt scared and alone.
But (thankfully) deep down, I knew I did not want to give up on our relationship. When Nate and I were together in person, I would experience deep moments of calm and clarity. I would be reminded of how happy he makes me, how special he is, and knew that I wanted to see where things went.
I kept pressing forward and hoped the thoughts would just disappear on their own.
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I wish I could tell you that these feelings only lasted for a few months and then poof—were gone.
But that was not my reality.
My relationship anxiety has come and gone for almost two years now. I am still working through it to this day.
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I’ve been in and out of therapy.
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I’ve gone through two journals.
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I’ve taken up meditation.
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I’ve talked to Nate about my feelings*—many times.
*I am so lucky to have someone who listens and allows me to share my feelings honestly, even when they are doubts about our relationship.
All of these practices are helpful, but one thing has really helped turn things around.
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That one thing? It was me finally deciding that enough was enough, and to take massive action to uncover my feelings and move past them.
That is where You Love and You learn was born.
I decided to create this blog so I could heal in real time and learn from relationship/relationship anxiety experts. In doing the research of what it takes to have a loving relationship, free from consistent anxiety—I have finally started to heal.
I started moving towards my problem instead of away from it.
Thanks to the amazing work of relationship anxiety experts such as Sheryl Paul, Natalie Kennedy, and the team at Awaken into Love, Kiyomi LaFleur & Alexis de los Santos, I’m soaking in a ton of incredible information about relationship anxiety.
I know that I will learn a lot from these amazing mentors and continue to better understand how I got here, and how to move forward.
Now that I am starting to get a grasp on my own relationship anxiety symptoms and fears, I want to help others who are healing from relationship anxiety or want to feel more confident in their relationship.
Going forward, my mission is to build a community that impacts thousands of people.
I want other people to realize they are not alone in their anxiety, and see that they can unpack these feelings and move past them to deepen their relationships.
After diving into the world of relationship anxiety, I have learned that if you truly want to be with your partner and make your relationship work, you can overcome your anxiety and find happiness.
It’s important to note that the advice in this blog regarding relationship anxiety applies to couples who are with a safe and loving partner—not if there are major red flags such as physical or verbal abuse, substance abuse, or major collision in values.
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I’m so glad I trusted myself and was patient along the journey to heal my relationship anxiety, because that is what led me to be writing this today.
I know that my relationship anxiety is one of the biggest blessings for my relationship with Nate because it’s nudging me to to heal, grow, and grow deeper in love.
Thank you for being here on this journey with me.
With love,
Sarah
